joshua's favorite musician jokes...

please email me if you have any good musician humor for my site!

Q: how many deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none. they just let it burn out and follow it around for thirty years.

Q: what has three legs and a dick on top?
A: a drum stool.

Q: how many country bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1, no wait, 5, or is it 1? 5? 1-5-1-5-1-5-1-5-1-5-1-5-1-5...

Q: how to you get a guitarist to shut up?
A: give him some sheet music

Q: did you hear about the bassist who locked his keys in his car?
A: he had to break the window to get his drummer out.

Q: how can you tell if a bassist is really dead?
A: hold out a check.

Q: what is the least often heard sentence in the english language??
A: there goes the banjo player's limousine.

Q: how can you tell a drummer is at your door?
A: the knocking gets louder and faster.

Q: what do drummers get on their IQ tests?
A: drool.

Q: what is the definition of perfect pitch?
A: that's when you toss a banjo into the dumpster and it lands right on top of an accordion.

Q: what do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a trombonist?
A: a tattoo.

Q: what to you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: a drummer.

Q: what to you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
A: homeless.

Q: what's the funniest thing a drummer ever said?
A: "hey guys, let's play one of my songs!"

A newlywed couple has gone off to an exotic South Pacific island for their honeymoon.  Their travel agent said that the locale is beautiful, though the natives do have some odd customs.  The first thing they notice when stepping off the seaplane onto the dock is the sound of distant drumming.  They're told that the natives drum all the time.  Well, that night they learn that it is literally all the time.  The drumming continues through the night.  The next day, the man, tired from lack of sleep, asks about the drumming.  He is told that yes, they drum continuously, day and night.  The following night the newlyweds have the same experience, the constant drumming interferes with their sleep as well as other activities common during honeymoons. The following day the man asks why they drum.  He hears from the natives that they must drum or something bad will happen.  Again, he and his new bride have a restless night.  Tired and cranky after three nights without a good rest, the man accosts the first native he sees that morning, grabs him by the shirt, and yells at him, "Why do you drum day incessantly, day and night?  What is this bad thing that will happen if you stop drumming?"  The native replies, "Bass solo."

more to come, but please if you know any (brief) musician jokes, email 'em to me and i'll post 'em!